Yesterday, I finally fell apart. I seem to be the type of person who saves up all of the crap and holds on to it because it ain't pretty to have it all spilling out at an inopportune moment. It has been great having my FIL here. Practically, he has been a great help but it is difficult for me to show my uglies while he is here. Yesterday, he went for a walk and I sat down with M and almost immediately started crying. There is just so much pent up frustration, sadness, and guilt built into this whole process and there are times when I am physically in pain when I cry. It sits right in my chest and sometimes in my stomach like I've swallowed something sharp.
I have been bothered by the recent misfortune of fellow blogger who has been the target of anonymous posters who have labelled themselves anti-adoption. It saddens me that on top of dealing with IF and deciding to become an adoptive parent, she now has to defend herself and her decisions. If it were me, I would probably just ignore them but she has responded to them with dignity and respect and I admire her for it. I whole heartedly disagree many of the anti-adoption ideas (yes, I did read up... ) and I'm not going to add my thoughts to that discussion right now but I have difficulty with anti-adoption activists seeking out bloggers and bombarding them with negative comments.
I'm still trying to decide whether to do DIUI #8. There is one more sample left. I guess the big question for me is, should I do it even though I think it will fail?
M has agreed to open the dog discussions after he's on his feet again. This is exciting! Also, only a week and a half after S's cheating-ass bitch of a wife begged him to take her back, he caught her meeting HIM again and finally kicked her out. He seems to finally get it and seems ready to move on. I'm with him all the way.
So that was yesterday. Today looks better, brighter and I just might make it a good one.
9 years ago
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5 comments:
I read her anti-adoption posts too. We pursued adoption before deciding to give DI a try and there is a lot of debate in the adoption world (not all of it positive). Whereas the infertility blogging world is much more supportive and accepting.
8th month. I don't know. We did 7 IUIs. 3 natural and 4 with clomid and skipped over IUI with injectibles. What does your doctor think? I don't remember if you said, but do you have any fertility issues other than male infertiliy? Think about it though. You've only had 7 months where it was even remotely possible for you to get pregnant.
Are you considering pursuing adoption next? That's what is coming next for us we're not successful with the upcoming FET.
I have stage 2 endo. My Dr. says do one more. We've done 4 unmedicated and 2 clomid and 1 injectable. I know...7 months. With that in mind we originally thought we'd do 12 IUI's to give us the full year of a "normal" couple but 7 months of trying has stretched over 2 years now and we're tired. I don't know. I'm leaning towards one more. After that we save up for IVF. We don't have $10000 just sitting around so it could be a while. We've said we'll only attempt one IVF so after that it's adoption.
Wishing you the very best this round!
Can you use a different D? I have a friend that did IUIs, and IVF with one donor, but then switched and it worked that final IUI time...
Just a thought. Either way, hoping things are on the upswing for you!
We've used 3 different donors and no luck :(
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