Monday, October 6, 2008

Cars, Clomid and Conundrums

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted. I've had absolutely zero time to myself lately. The only reason I have a little time now is because I went to take M to his appointment this morning and our car was dead. I'm hoping it is just the battery but with our luck we'll be forking out more hard earned cash than we can afford right now. K (the saint that she is) gave him a ride and quite unexpectedly I have the house to myself for the first time in 6 weeks! I'm thinking coffee and some trashy tv is in order.

AF is here again with mind-blowing cramps. DIUI cycle #8 has begun, this time I'm just taking clomid. Puregon is just not in the budget. Here is the scary truth...lately I've actually been considering a child-free life. I feel a tremendous guilt about even thinking it. It's as if I am accusing myself of not want a baby enough because if I truly wanted one then I would keep pressing on. Maybe I am just tired. I struggle so much with the financial aspect of this. It is frustrating to think that people who have more money are able to buy better drugs and attempt more effective procedures. I know that the only reason we aren't doing IVF is because we don't have $10000. Once M secures tenure then IVF is an option but I I think 5 years is an optimistic goal for that. This is all so difficult. Either way, we will do this final cycle so that I can close the book for a while. Maybe it will work.

Next weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving. We are have K and S over. Mmmm! I can't wait for turkey and stuffing. I am making pumpkin pie. I absolutely LOVE pumpkin pie. PS...I'm taking the day off from weight watchers!

No comments: