Avoiding

I'm avoiding IF. Every time I start to think about it, I push it to the back of my mind. I've had a list of things to do for over a week now. I've done all of them except one and that is to call the clinic and tell them we are game for one last DIUI with injectables. It's not even that I'm deciding not to make the call, I really am just forgetting. I'm ready for a break from all of this but the effects of the endo surgery are time sensitive so I know it's best to do it sooner rather than later. I know I have one more in me. I'm just really tired. Maybe I'll make the call tomorrow.

I've been really testy lately. Everything seems like a big deal and M especially is driving me crazy. Tonight he went off about how much it bugged him that I actually liked a whole wheat pizza crust that he thought tasted like cardboard. He's very supportive about the weight loss for the most part but I think now that I've shown significant success, he's feeling pressure about his own weight. I don't know...pms is right around the corner I can feel it. Blah.

On Saturday we are having R and W over for supper. They are amazing cooks and great hosts so I'm trying to plan a special meal. Here's the menu:

Soup: Golden Harvest Carrot (the most amazing pureed carrot and rice soup courtesy of my mom)

Main Course: Roast Chicken with lemon and fresh herbs, herb and white wine risotto, maple glazed carrots

Dessert: Dark chocolate and Chambord (blackberry liquor) mousse

All accompanied by wine of course :) I'm making the soup tomorrow to save some work since I work until 3 on saturday. I'm quite excited as this feels like the first "grown-up" dinner we've hosted in a long time. With M's surgery and me working evenings, meals have been whatever is easiest. Mmmmm

Sore boobs and all

I lost my temper with M yesterday. It seems every cycle he accuses me of being overly pessimistic about the outcome. I believe his exact words are "If you don't think it's going to work, why do we do it?"

I see it as being realistic. After all the odds ARE against us. What makes me so angry and hurt is that his question comes across as him doubting my commitment to the whole IF process. Do you think I would pump myself full of drugs and sit with my feet in stirrups far to often for nothing?! I tried to explain that the "realism" is simply a safeguard for me. I am simply trying to make it hurt a little bit less when a cycle doesn't work. I don't know. I know no one is reading this but do you think realism can sabotage a cycle? I sure as hell don't. It is out of my hands. It will happen or it won't.

My boobs feel like they are going to explode. This is normal for me on the progesterone but it's still uncomfortable. 14 days to go until beta. I usually get AF before then. I guess we'll see.

After we had calmed down and worked things out, I talked to M about getting a dog if this cycle doesn't work. For the first time he didn't immediately shoot the idea down. This makes me hopeful. I need something to look forward to if we are going to put IF on the back burner. Here are my two hopes:

1. This cycle works and our dream comes true.

2. In the event of this cycle failing I am able to bring home a love hungry pooch who will hang on my every word and force me to go outside.

I don't think that is to much to ask.

Tactless people...wtf!

I just had a meeting with a parent who wanted to enroll her son in piano lessons for the fall. I was a little uneasy from the beginning of my contact with her as she seemed to have a million questions which isn't a bad thing only she wouldn't listen when I gave her the answers.

So as we were chatting about music lessons, she looks at my belly and asks "are you going to have a baby?". WTF! I answered no and turned the subject back to music but instead of letting it go or apologizing she jumped in again with "Oh, I guess you could be and just not telling anyone! *wink *" I stated again that I was NOT pregnant and we continued with the meeting. The whole time all I wanted to do was scream at her but instead I was professional and finish the meeting.

I...am...so...angry! Why can't people just think before the say stupid things!