Doubt creeping in

I started spotting yesterday and this morning it was more. It's early for AF but I've been this early before. Today is CD 25 I'm trying to not read into it to much but I have to say that I don't have a good feeling about it. I'm feeling pretty discouraged.

The Name Game

The Name Game
1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Cat Maxima

2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Vanilla Kitten Heel

3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Aqua Cat

4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Dawn Nanaimo

5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Jonkr

6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Green Coffee

7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): Charles James

8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Notorious Juice Berries (LOL!)

9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Falk Frankfurt

10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Autumn Lysiantha

11.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Cherry Capris (I love it!)

12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): French Toast Arbutus

13.Movie star name (first pet, first street where you lived): Mitzy Uplands (More porn than anything I think)

Your turn!

Silly story

Yesterday I was looking out my kitchen window and I saw three squirrels desperately trying to break into the netting surrounding my tomato plants. As they circled the plot, I saw one squirrel pick up a clump of dried grass with something shiny in it and carry it from place to place with him. I went out to investigate and to get them away from my tomatoes (last year they stole ALL of them). The squirrel dropped his shiny prize and I picked it up. It was pair of pristine mens Versace glasses! Can you imagine leaving your glasses outside for a minute and having a squirrel scamper off with them! Too funny.

We are closing in on the beta. I've only ever made it to the beta once before. AF is due to arrive on the 9th. Beta is on the 13th. I have progesterone/pregnancy symptoms but I've had that with almost every cycle. I guess we'll see. I've learned not to torture myself playing the symptoms game.  Just wait it out.

It still sucks.

On the good news front. FIL is coming for ten days while I get back to work. I'm not sure I could have handled my MIL so this is great. He will be a big help and we get along very well. Other good news that may be TMI...M has now resumed being able to use the toilet over a bedpan. You have no idea the joy and relief this brings me! I don't remember bedpans in the marriage vows ;)

Feelin' the love

Thank you for all of your kind words of encouragement. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this. I have been a reader in the blog world for a long time and now that I have found my footing, I find being a blogger to be quite therapeutic. A lot has happened today! Here's an update:

1. I took M to his physiotherapy appointment. It was a huge ordeal getting him out of the house and into the car but we did it. We arrived at the appointment only to be told that they didn't like the look of his incision (it has been bleeding on and off) so they sent us to his surgeon's clinic. I load him into the car again and then roll up to the clinic parking lot where a snarky looking women informs me that it will be $4.00 to park. I realize, especially living where I do, that $4.00 is relatively cheap parking for an afternoon but in this case she only took cash. Shit. Do you think that I could scrounge up $4.00? Nope. She made me promise to pay on the way out and in we went. Four hours later...her head is turned and I do something my goody-two shoes conscience will hate me for...I drive right past her booth and step on it. That's right, folks. That's as reckless as I get. Running out on $4.00.

2. We found out that M will be non-load bearing for not 3 but 6 whole weeks. Sigh. Nurse K is on duty, bedpans and all.

3. We actually called my MIL to ask her to fly across the country and help us out when I go back to work next week. I think I have a death wish.

4. S took his cheating-ass bitch of a wife back. This may sound positive but wait...this is the 3rd affair in a 4 year marriage aaaaaaannnnnd she tells him it's his fault for not satisfying her. I don't even know what to say except that I hope I never meet her in a dark alley.

5. I have the cutest cats on the planet and they are one of the only reasons I have to smile lately. This WILL get better.

Plan B...and C...and possibly D

I met with our Dr. today to discuss our fertility future. She wants us to do one more Puregon cycle if this one fails. I agreed that with the extra sample we already bought, it did make sense. Unfortunately, we don't have the money for Puregon so the only way we would be able to do it would be if the drug were donated (yet again). I wonder if we are a true charity case or if accepting the drug means a more deserving or needy couple will have to go without. In any case should this cycle fail, we'll do one more with either donated Puregon or Clomid. I am so tired of this road. IVF is so far out of reach financially. In fact everything seems pretty far out of reach right now.

Here I am, basically assuming this cycle will fail. What's wrong with me! My Dr. told me to reduce my stress level. I wish I knew how. I have so much on my plate.

I did have some fun today. K decided to join eHarmony and asked me to take a few pictures of her. She is very cautious but I think it's a great move for her. Plus, I think she's a catch! We had a fun photo shoot in the backyard and I thought we got a couple of really good pictures.

Tomorrow, I have to take M to the hospital for an appointment. It should be a bit of an ordeal but if we take it slow, I think getting him there and back should be fine. Men who are 6'9" were not meant to lose the use of one leg!